A taste of my own medicine

 

How good is the feeling when an authority over you has to get a good serve of his own medicine? It’s even better when the authoritarian figure is a bit of a dick and gets drunk on his own perceived power. One of two things normally happen, his ego gets in the way and out of pride he does not take his own advice on how to fix said mess, therefore he doesn’t believe in the values or standards he runs his team with (I’m using “him” as a male figure as it represents real events). The other option is he takes it on the chin and goes to work on limiting damage, correcting mistakes and taking ownership and responsibility moving forward.

 

If you’re in an environment where the boss sees themselves as part of the team and is just as human as everyone else then great work will be done. On the other hand if the leader believes his in a position of power over people and exercises that power with punishment and ridiculous delegation then great work will be hard to come by, efficient work maybe but certainly not art.

 

I spend a good amount of time working with other micro business and small business people on how to navigate challenges and not just get through them but how to gain inside challenges. Talib Nasim coined the term Antifragile, in the English language there is no opposing word for fragile. Fragility in business doesn’t last long because the first hurdle or speed bump derails the leader and the team is only as good as the leader. Robust is the closest word we have opposing fragile but it still doesn’t directly oppose it as robust means unaffected by challenges. Enter Antifragility a term used to describe a type of individual or object that grows stronger and benefits from chaos, randomness and challenges. We as human beings are the only entity that has the capability of getting stronger during the toughest times we face and the beauty about that is that every single person on this earth will experience trauma and grief at some stage. Anecdotally I have seen peers around my age go through grief and loss quite early to be the ones with the most drive, that help the most people and to always strive for a better awareness of themselves. Why? Because when you are forced to feel, forced to question everything, you find answers to questions you didn’t even know existed. Scientists and pseudo scientists who abide by the rules and believe there is no such thing as chaos place young grieving people into categories and predict possible challenges they will have later in life.

 

Lets take another look at it, lets say a teenager experiences a high level of grief and trauma from losing a loved one. This teenager has at best 6-8 years of conscious memories and maps of the world around them that they live their life by. Be aware that all your memories are made up stories; just because you remember them that way doesn’t mean the events took place exactly how you remember them and I can guarantee you are forgetting vital pieces of that memory. Anyway, in the event of someone experiencing grief early you cannot place them categorically under headings or columns nor can you say when they will “move on” but the astonishing thing with the majority of people I have had the pleasure of talking with is that even under so much psychological stress and so many years of meds, psychs and therapy’s they did their best work when the let the grief and trauma guide them.

It’s a classic case of Antifragility, success has so many symbols and meanings for different people but the repeating theme with highly aware and insanely motivating people is that they thrive off the trauma and they don’t run away from it, they accept the challenge and keep it very real and vivid. All of them will talk openly about their experience in such a way that is at first confronting but when you feel the energy and certainty these people converse with, you walk away hearing a very traumatic story but somehow inspired by tragedy. These people are game changers. Unfortunately there are always two sides to every experience and we all know some people who never actually come out of that state and who struggle most of their lives. When this group of people have that moment of “enough is enough, i'm taking back control back” they will find an answer after taking some big action but, the people in this group who desire change but do not take action will end up worse! The key is in taking ACTION any ACTION.

 

Giving some context to the heading of this article, I recently lost my best friend. I found my little blue staff that was only 10 months passed away in the backyard from unknown reasons. I cradled him for an hour screaming and willing him to come back but I knew he was gone. I love my dogs because they are on this earth purely to give love without expecting anything in return and if people could see that if they lived that way they would be genuinely fulfilled and happy. It’s a heavy feeling in my heart and a tragedy in my world. I now have to reflect and give myself a big dose of what I preach to people. Here is how I approached losing my best mate.

 

D=S-M, despair equals suffering minus meaning (Viktor Frankl)

 

 

First thing I did was attach a meaning to this, for me this event reminded me that the things money cannot buy are the most precious and it wouldn’t matter if I lost all my “things” because the people around me family or not are the most important

 

For 24hours I felt every bit of it I accepted every bit of heartache and loss, I welcomed it because I am human and we are meant to feel these emotions. The deeper you can hurt and not run from it the more joy and love you can feel.

 

The journey of every hero and every inspiring person we look up to is a direct representation of the challenges they face. This challenge further installed my belief that whenever I have the chance to help another I will regardless of my state.

 

The loss of my little man is a test to see if I have genuinely learnt the lessons I teach and to action them.

 

So far so good